Teach me how to say goodbye...

When someone wrongs us, or says something that hurts our feelings.  We  apologise, then ask for forgiveness,  We don't even bat an eye.  Yet, when we do something wrong in our own life,  we don't know how to forgive ourselves.  Or where to start. 

Seems so simple.  However is it?

NO

Out of everyone in the world, we are our worst critics, we are so hard on us.  We put too many expectations on ourselves, that when we fail to meet the mark, we become losers in our mind. 

 We all have a closet full of skeletons, that we'd rather just keep buried deep and forget about them.  I for one have done some very stupid things throughout my life, some you just try to forget and run away from. Yet you know they are still there.  Lingering in the back of your mind.  You compare yourself to others, and think so and so would never accept me if they knew I did this, or so and so would never love me if they knew I did that.  Thing is, we all have those things, and that's.   That keep us stuck from moving forward. Why can't we just be us, and be accepted. 

Years ago, when I was seeing a therapist after my second marriage was a failure, Katherine said to me, "have you grieved for yourself, but most importantly have you forgiven yourself"  I answered her back  with, how do I forgive myself?  Seems so silly, but I had no idea.  

 That is the one thing she said that hit home more than anything else. Such a basic phrase, seems so simple. Is it?

No.

What comes along with forgiveness is letting go, and moving on.   I cling to memories. They fuel my imagination and dreams. The good, the bad and the ugly.   

Simply holding onto those past mistakes and failures keep me steadfast where I am.. a "Rook"  in order to progress to "Queen" you must go through the hurdles of life. So many unpleasant turmoils I've had to endure, so much forgiveness that needs to be given,  but where do you start?  

Do you tackle it like debt? Pay off the smallest bill first so  you have a sense of encouragement and completion.  Then move  on to the next? You keep going until you are completely out of debt.

That is how I am looking at it.  I like to justify things, mull it over and over, plan each detail. Though,  Is it really necessary?   

I haven't tried the mirror effect. That is where,  you talk to yourself while looking into a mirror, You treat the person that is looking back at you, the same way you would treat a loved one.  You use the same care and compassion on you, that you use with others.   I may be a bit vain at times, but I have never talked to myself while looking in a mirror. That will be my homework for this week, to try it and see what happens. I already know I enjoy their company so it shouldn't be too hard right?  After all, it's only me.

It's my demons I need to face. Forgive, let go and move on....  Three of the hardest things possibly to do in life.   In order to evolve into the Goddess I am meant to be, I first must learn self repentance and how to "forgive myself"

teach me how to say goodbye, 

Carrie