Words cannot explain

I can count on one hand, how many times I have felt out of control.  I mean, life steps in and shakes everything up, and leaves you staring into nothingness. What do I do? Where do I go from here? 

It seems my life has been taken off of the "repeat" and replaced with "rebuild" 

One nice thing about rebuild, it's exactly that.  You get a chance to rebuild from the bottom up, how you want it.  

This past week, has been a very tiring and trying time. I've had many firsts and lasts this week.   The biggest realisation was as much as you want to see the good in people, not everyone can be trusted. I was yelled at and name called. I raised my voice and yelled back, I am not a name caller, and yelling doesn't suit me. The anger pouring through me, as I stood there and listened to the lies spewing from a mouth I considered to be a friend, was heartbreaking.   I told her to leave.  She refused. So I left...

I wasn't  humiliated, I didn't feel small,  however what I did feel, was utter disappointment.  A sadness words cannot explain.  I walked away from insult after insult of her projecting her unworthiness and vile  vomit towards me.   A true reflection of the person I once admired.  She not only proved, her lack of intelligence but her morals and integrity.   Her teenage son an arms length away, now thinks its OK,  to and make someone look small and meaningless. His mentor and mother basically said so, all because she couldn't handle the word no.  Was she jealous of the authority I had?  

100% did it matter? Not one ounce.

Did she try to date men I had previous dated?  Yes.   Has she tried to interfere on current friendships? Yes.  Is your life so dull, that you need to copy that of mine.  Go ahead, have all my seconds, try and take those close to me.  You will not succeed, and by some miracle one happens to talk to you, well good riddance to them.  My circle of friends and family, are loyal to the core. We don't invite snakes in, nor do we dine with hypocrites.  As the saying goes,  Fool me once, shame on you.   Fool me twice, shame on me...  

Shame on me for not learning from the first mistakes and not being more careful to avoid being deceived all over again.

Thing is, once I'm done. I'm done. 

The closing of this chapter went from 0-100 in a blink of an eye.  As hurt as I was, I am glad it happened when it did, not prolonged into years and years.  Everything is very fresh,  but I feel somewhat relived. Its definitely an odd feeling.  I am in my retrospection part of this closing chapter.  The good definitely outweighs bad.   

I have made some genuine connections, and friendships that will  carry over into more chapters to come.  Plucking out  the weeds was bound to  happen.  Am I a little sad how it all turned out.  Yes, most certainly.  Do I believe what is meant for me, will not pass me by. 

Absolutely! 

Europe said it best...Got To Have Faith..

endings bring new beginnings, 

Carrie xoxo