These are the days of our lives...
Well... today is one of those days. I'm not in a bad mood, not in a good mood just MEH
With so much going on right now, I am torn into a million pieces. I tell myself I don't care, it is what it is. See the thing is I do care, I care too much.
I find myself teetering on the edge of, I want to cry, and I just need to punch something really hard. I don't have many days like this, and that I am so grateful. Nothing seems to ease the anxious, nervousness I feel in the pit of my stomach. It's the fear of the unknown.
My once stable life, is now that of unpredictability. The whole thought of starting over, work, love, friends...seems so daunting and overwhelming. I don't know where to begin.
One day at a time, that is all I hear echoing in my mind.
I am living that statement right now, and it is one of the hardest things to wrap my head around.
I am planner by nature. I like to know where I'm headed, where I want to live, where I want to work. Who I want to see. What I want to eat.
Now just imagine all that taken away (except the eating part) Are you ok with that feeling? It's a feeling of not being in control.
It scares the shit out of me.
Today is a poor Carrie day. I am allowed to have them, come unloose for a period of time and just wallow in self pitty.
I'm not looking for you to join, I'm simply letting out some steam. Even my go to songs, are hitting me in a different way today. I am in need of some quiet reflection, as I take on this new phase called "One day at a time"
Tomorrow is a new day, with new doors to be opened. A new adventures awaits. I would love to say I am excited, but that would be a lie.
My flame is that of a flicker today. Too many harsh realisations coming to the surface.
Now a few days away from valentines day, and it hits me, I will be alone on yet another valentines day. It truly is the cherry on the sundae.
these are the days of our lives,
Carrie
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