Karmic love...
January 2018 was the month I met my knight in shinning armour.
He had the toughest of armours. So strong and masculine. He was an executive for Shell. We met randomly, he was lost. He came into my place of business to ask for directions. He wasn't from this area, he just moved here from Calgary. I learned a lot about him in the short few minutes we talked. He asked if I could show him around. Without hesitation, I gave him my number. I felt very safe in this strangers presence.
It took him a week to send the first message, I just figured he was being polite at the time. Conversation flowed. He started calling me on the phone. Those of you who know me, I don't talk on the phone often. You have to stimulate me, make me laugh and of course have a sexy voice. He was all of the above. We were going on coffee dates, on dinners dates. Then there was our "first" night together. It was something out of a fairy tale. He said pack an overnight bag. When He arrived at my place, he had a huge bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine. We kissed a little, I thanked him, and put the flowers in water before we left. Such a gentleman, he open the car door for me, and helped me get inside, then took my bag and put it in the backseat next to his. We were heading to Niagara Falls.
For the drive, we both created our essential music for road trips, we took turns with the music, what did you know. We had the same taste in music for the most part, only a few artists I wasn't too keen on and vise versa.
We reached our destination for dinner. Our reservations were for 630, we were a little early, so we went and sat at the bar. He ordered me the largest drink I think that was on the menu. I forget what it was called, but it tasted somewhere between a chocolate milk and a frothy hot chocolate, it came with oodles and oodles of whipped cream. This here was a meal in itself.
We were seated at our table, it was so private and quiet. It was worth the wait. We both had steak and lobster. Probably one of the most memorable meals I've ever had.
On our way to the hotel to check in. We drove past the falls, and decided we will walk down and enjoy the lights over the water. (I also had to change my footwear)
After we got checked in at reception, we started walking towards the elevator, we were talking non stop...then all of a sudden down I went, he caught me just before I hit the puddle. I stood up tall, brush my hair from my face and with all my dignity I let out a little oops,and continued walking.
I was mortified. Of course, the only puddle in the hallway and I found it. I'm sure my face turned every shade of red you can think of. I had to keep my composure, and that I did. First thing I did when we got inside our room was take off my stiletto boots.
He grabbed me, and pinned me up against the door, and whispered I'm glad you didn't get hurt. Needless to say we didn't go down to the falls that night.
He called me precious, and I felt like I was a precious gem. He was Harvey. (Harvey Spector from suits)
Precious + Harvey
His kisses, lips so luscious and soft. Sensual and rough all combined together. I have never kissed someone who could make my toes curl... he moved on to my neck, my lips swollen and tingling.
He whispered in my ear, I want you out of these clothes. I whispered back, if I can wear your shirt, you have a deal. It took him .05 seconds to unbutton it and hand it to me. Still a bit nervous, and excited. I went into the washroom and changed into his blue/grey shirt. I came out, all he could say was wow...I only had two buttons closed, you could see the lace from my bra, and the sexiest cleavage ever. Harvey said, that looks better on you then me.
Needless to say, it wasn't on for very long. We took our time with each other. We didn't get a wink of sleep that night. We decided to stay another night.
When you feel a connection with someone, you feel it. It doesn't matter if you've known them 3 years or 3 months. The heart knows what the heart wants.
Harvey was everything I ever dreamed of. He took me to Galas, weekend getaways, he would cook me dinner and feed me chocolate covered strawberries. I was in love with this man. He picked me up in his arms and looking down at me, said you are so damn beautiful. That is a moment I have etched in my mind, time froze... it was him and I no one else. I never once told him I loved him. When it comes to love and matters of the heart I tend to freeze, I don't know how to express it, without sounding like a whack job...
I started questioning him and I. My trauma slowly surfacing. I started feeling not worthy of him. I started to pull back in fear of him breaking my heart.. He never did anything wrong....it was my insecurities popping up. In the end I broke my own heart by ending things with him. He was making plans for me to meet his parents. I broke his heart too. All he said was, Ok Precious.
I didn't know what to do. At the time I thought I was doing him a favour, by taking myself, out of his safe stable world. I was still dealing with police from my stalker and all the terrorising.
We didn't call or text for months. I sent him a message to apologise, I asked if I could see him. He said it wasn't a good idea.
I then went running to my now 2nd ex husband. He helped me forget Harvey or so he thought.
I buried him deep inside and I got rid of all his shirts he gave me to sleep in.(which I regret to this day)
Harvey and I met 4 years ago, right after my divorced. The hurt and disappointment on his face when he heard I got married and divorced in the 3 years we had been apart was another memory I would ever forget. We got caught up on life, he cooked me dinner and we enjoyed hours in the hot tub.
I will never be able to listen to "Follow Me" without thinking of Harvey. He sang it to me while he was driving me home. It was perfection, the closure we both needed.
It's been a journey from that point onwards. I needed to heal.
I have grown so much in 4 years. I am going after my dreams. Nothing holding me back. My heart is whole once again, this time I will not repeat the same mistake. I am no longer a pawn, but that of a Queen. A Queen, waiting for her King.
I think we're alone now,
Carrie
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